Molly’s Story

Molly (Age: 18-24)

You can still find creative outlets besides just sounding “perfect”, such as [...] writing songs and making your words [...] meaningful. 

SINGING PRACTICE

Molly describes herself as someone who used to sing but does not anymore. She grew up singing musical theatre and had a singing social media account in high school where she would try new songs on the guitar. In college, she started writing her own songs and has written at least 30 since then. 

Singing is still a part of my life, I still write songs here and there or go through spurts of time where I sing and play more, but it’s frustrating because I don’t have that vocal control that I used to. 

MOLLY’S STORY

I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis at 15. Then, at 16, I started having really bad CCI [craniocervical instability] and was told I have hEDS [hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome]. I have chronic pain, and my life basically turned upside down. It took years to find a medication that helped my RA [rheumatoid arthritis] and then a lot of PT [physical therapy] to help with my neck instability from EDS. Now it’s about managing my symptoms daily. 

Has your singing practice or pursuit of singing shifted in any way since your diagnosis/onset of symptoms? 

I loved singing growing up in musical theatre settings. My parents would be so sick of me singing all the time but I loved it so much. I had a singing account in highschool and I loved to try new songs on the guitar. In college, I started writing my own songs. I’ve probably written at least 30 now (singing and guitar or piano) but I’ve had to express myself more through words rather than fancy or especially beautiful vocals because my voice has changed so much since becoming chronically ill. Singing my own songs means expressing myself and it’s a way for me to calm down.

Singing is still a part of my life, I still write songs here and there or go through spurts of time where I sing and play more, but it’s frustrating because I don’t have that vocal control that I used to.

I used to be able to hit any note, to sing anything I wanted really. I did vocal lessons forever and I really felt that it was something that made me feel free. Since my voice started changing in highschool with all my health issues, it honestly became something that made me really frustrated more than anything. I would sit and try for hours to be able to sing or record one song that actually sounded good. After anger came sadness, because something that once made me feel free became something that made me feel so tight and restricted and strained. It has definitely been a mourning process. I still write and sing it’s just I know that my voice won’t really ever be the same and part of what I loved about singing was sharing it, but I don’t feel as much like I want to do that now. My voice cracks and sounds fried sometimes, I have poor breath control, and I am not sure my vocal cords vibrate as much as they used to. I don’t really try to sing that much anymore.

My symptoms have taken a lot away from me. I don’t really consider myself a singer anymore and I have definitely had to mourn that loss

MOLLY’S ADVICE

For singers: 

Don’t be frustrated with yourself. It’s not your fault. You can still find creative outlets besides just sounding “perfect”, such as through writing songs and making your words more meaningful. There’s still something rewarding about that. 

For professionals working with singers with these conditions: 

Don’t expect the student to be able to just perform how you want, or expect vocal techniques to just work all the time. Symptoms are different day-to-day  and so is the voice. Be empathetic.