Theresa’s Story
Theresa (excerpt from Stryker, 2024)
For me, singing is the only thing that makes sense. I've had a lot of things happen to me, frankly. I've been through a lot. And singing was the one thing that made me feel good about myself and made me feel confident.
Theresa is a college student, studying commercial music as a singer/songwriter. She started singing in choir when she was 11 years old, and continued until she was 17 or 18 years old when she decided that choral singing wasn’t for her and became a songwriter. In her studies, at least half of her weekly classes are singing-based. She performs with a harmony-based indie band and enjoys musical theatre as well.
In March of 2023, she contracted COVID. After about a month of recovery, she noticed when singing, she still had trouble sustaining notes or standing for long periods of time. It became obvious that there was still something wrong. She started taking numerous breaks and began noticing muscle contractions in her chest when she took deep breaths to prepare to sing. She thought it was asthma, but asthma breathing treatments didn’t help.
It was a reaction because my chest is used to contracting to keep my heart pumping and that was scary, because I thought I was suffocating. And all the doctors said “we don’t know what this is. You’re fine.
About two months later, she received a diagnosis of POTS due to COVID and long-COVID heart palpitations from her general practitioner. She was told that within the same week she was diagnosed there were four other girls her age diagnosed with POTS after having COVID, “all female, all late teens.” Her path to diagnosis was “relatively easy,” as she had an established relationship with her doctor after navigating mononucleosis in high school. She admitted that she is not 100% sure when she started having symptoms and that they may have started before contracting COVID, so mononucleosis may have also been a trigger, but the major symptoms started after COVID. She has not been able to see a POTS specialist yet.
I am currently on the waiting list for one. The doctor I’m going to see has a two-year waiting list. He’s supposed to be one of the top specialists in our area, but I have a year and a half left until I can get in. In order to get the appointment, I had to turn in a ton of paperwork, my cardiology scores, different tests, every heart exam I’ve ever gotten. I feel like it is an exclusive club.
She mentioned her frustration that every doctor she’s gone to has advised to “just drink Gatorade and eat some pretzels,” one saying, “well, I have another patient who just gets a whole bottle of Gatorade, puts salt in there and drinks it, and then she’s fine.” Theresa exclaimed with exasperation, “That’s not all I need!”
While awaiting her specialist appointment, she continues to navigate her commercial music studies. She shared her willingness to disclose her condition to her teachers because she doesn’t want them to assume she’s not trying or that she’s being lazy.
We were doing choreography for the musical and singing…and those two things are hard. Then you add whatever else on top of it. I have to take breaks and it’s kind of embarrassing. Also, I have to explain…there are times when I can’t walk in a straight line. It’s completely invisible and you wouldn’t be able to tell. It’s one of those things where it’s not always understood. So not only do I have to tell you that I have it, but then I also have to tell you what it is. And I think without informing them, it wouldn’t be fair to me because it’s a real disability.
She has received accommodations to be able to sit down or take breaks, but she expresses how there is still pressure to push through.
I think the number one thing that is hard is, you don’t get any more time, you know? There’s not much leeway with that. You’re told you can sit down and take breaks, but you don’t get that time back. Everybody else is going to keep moving. Which, I don’t wanna ruin anyone else’s rehearsal time, but it’s kind of frustrating because if you aren’t there, you lose time. If you just power through it and then end up feeling awful, you won’t lose time. So it’s a hard decision. Do I want to feel horrible and actually get what I’m paying for and working for, or do I want to feel good, take breaks, and miss out?
She has found success in preparing for her performance and rehearsals by standing for at least 15 minutes beforehand “because that’s how long it takes for my heart to regulate.” She works on breath support and building stamina.
I just have to practice. I have to put in 50% more practice than everybody else to figure it out or get it right. It sounds awful, but you have to get used to it. You just have to practice not being okay and doing the thing.
